The Bird on Bushwick

Scenes From an Engagement

2009-02-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

[Early one morning]

The Boyfriend: I can't find any matching socks! Damnit what happened to all my socks!?
The Bird: Just wear odd socks. Who cares!? I do it all the time...
The Boyfriend: Yeah, and you look like a hobo!

[Later that same night]

The Bird: [romantically] Give me your hand.
The Boyfriend: But it's got my beer in it!

Happy New Year, F*ckers

2009-01-06T07:18:00.001-08:00

Given how drunk I managed to get myself this past NYE, it seems obvious that I must have slipped and fallen into a wormhole sometime during the night only to emerge in an alternate 2009 wherein there exists the book pictured left.

Yes, you are not imagining it. This is a novel in which Star Trek meets the X-Men. From what I hear, adventure & romance ensue!

I cannot wait to read it. I hope it is awesome! It had better be because I am going to get a lot of shit from The Boyfriend for reading this. The Boyfriend likes books that were written within the last 10 years about normal people who are not mutants or space dudes. He thinks the prime directive has something to do with house-painting. He almost called off our engagement when he caught me reading the Sookie Stackhouse books, but this is way, way, way more worse-er.

Apparently, Picard and Xavier have a scene together where they joke about how they look identical - because they are both Patrick Stewart. That is, like, so post-modern!

Dude.

Retardo?

2008-12-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

So, recently, The Boyfriend and I traveled to Washington DC for the weekend. We took the Bolt Bus, which is pretty cool! It's all WiFi and plugging-things-in and whatnot. Very 2.0.

On the way there, the BF watched a documentary we'd rented from Netflix. It was about a Hippy Farmer who, I dunno, did some farming and did a bit of cross-dressing somewhere in, god - who can remember? - Iowa. While this enthralling docu was being watched, I took a nap and had some weird dreams about - shit, who cares? - pirates or giant bugs or whatever it is I dream about on buses.

Anyhoo... when we got back from our Weekend (I might add that we both had allergic reactions to Our Nation's Capital - something to do with "stink berries" if I'm to believe our gracious hosts), I grabbed the Netflix DVD, shoved it in the envelope thingy, and mailed it back.

Then I found the DVD.

Turns out, I had accidentally sent a completely different disc back in the envelope. For the detail-oriented, it was a CD by a band called "Avail" and it belonged to The Boyfriend. (Though not pleased, he was not overly miffed. He's nice.)

As I'm wont to do, I delayed actually doing anything about this hiccup. My plan was to put the correct Netflix CD in a regular envelope and send it back to them with my apologies for being so unobservant and space-sproket-y and whatnot; but of course I never got round to it.

Listen, I'm busy! I got shit to do and not enough time, etc.

[As John Fowles might say at this point: Are you enjoying this? I hope so!]

A couple of days ago, I received an envelope from Netflix. Not the standard Red thingy, but a plain, white contraption, addressed to me; ominous. I opened it to find the Avail CD in the regular Netflix envelope for the movie we'd rented - it was called "The Real Dirt on Farmer John" in case anyone cares... Thing was, the CD was all smashed up into bits.

Was this intentional?

Think about it.

How often do Netflix DVDs get smashed into bits in transit?

If it happened often, poor Netflix would be out of business.

So, I asked myself (and The Boyfriend - because, while talking to oneself may be the only way to ensure intelligent conversation, it's also the first sign of madness. Go figure.), did Netflix do this intentionally?

The only way to know is to call their customer service dept and find out (stay tuned for tomorrow's blog: "In Which We Call Netflix Customer Service To Find Out What Is Up With That"); but I hope it's not some retaliatory measure! Am I "projecting" or was that kinda passive-aggresive? The CD I accidentally mailed to them is worth more than the DVD I was supposed to send. Meanwhile, we have Roku'd the CRAP out of things, but have not received any more DVDs.

Man, I hope it was just a coincidental accident!

[glances at nearby shelf]

Oh - I see several unreturned NetFlix on that nearby shelf...

Sorry, Netflix!

I love Ruku, by the way. Neat!

Do I Have Tenure?

2008-11-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

The Boyfriend: You were listed as "PRINCESS AWESOME" on my IM list for a long time, so I've changed it to something more appropriate.
The Bird: But what could be more appropriate than Princess Awesome!?!?
The Boyfriend: How about Professor Fitzgerald Smellbottom?
The Bird: Fitzgerald Smellbottom, eh? Do I teach at P.U. !!!!
The Boyfriend: Hehehehe.
The Bird: That was a good one!
The Boyfriend: Way to TOOT your own horn.

Mavericky

2008-10-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

Seen the movie Dumb & Dumber? Good, then you know what my hair looks like right now - specifically, my bangs.

Needing a trim and wanting to save money, I popped into a Supercuts. How hard can it be to take an inch off? I mean, it's basically following an existing, reasonably straight line, right?

Wrong.

I look like the "stylist" stuck a bowl - a really tiny bowl - on my head and chopped around it with all the skill and focus of someone who regularly watches Two and a Half Men. I look like that kid you knew in middle school who got busted for grafitti-ing his own name on the side of a building.* I look like I regularly eat funyans and like to sniff my own armpits. I look like the kind of person who believes Sarah Palin is mavericky.

I look like a fucking retard.

It seems to be getting worse by the day. If you see me in the next month and I'm wearing a jaunty hat or rocking that same old headscarf look, then you'll know why. And if you're in need of a laugh in these difficult times, ask if you can take a look at my bangs. Just know that when you're done laughing, you're bloody well buying me a drink!

*Note: this actually happened at my middle school. But I am too classy to name names. Declan.

It Went a Little Something Like This

2008-10-26T12:40:00.001-07:00

Last Thursday night we drove to Peekskill to see the Fall foliage and get our stroll on. Peekskill is the location of Eastland Academy, the ficticious girls' school from The Facts of Life. That's about all it has going for it - and there isn't even a special museum or a memorial to Tooty's rollerskates.

Anyway, by the time we got to our hotel, The Peekskill Inn, it was around 11pm and even colder than fuck. Luckily, we had brought our own hooch or I might have died of frosbite trying to find a bar.

The next day, we got up and drove around till we found a nice riverside walkway along which to stroll. We sat on a bench overlooking the majestic Hudson River. "Try not to look at the giant nuclear silo just across the way," said The Boyfriend, "and igore the Con Ed truck parked 10 feet to your left because I have something to tell you."

"Ooh, ok." I said. Hoping The Boyfriend was finally going to reveal that he secretly thinks Star Trek: TNG is cool!

"Last week, when I said I was helping D pick up his new kitchen table, I lied. I was actually looking at wedding rings."

Then The Boyfriend got down on one knee and asked me if I would marry him!

(I said yes, obviously. Hel-lo.)

A little while later, we made some calls to let people know the awesome news. I called my mother. Here's how that went:

The Bird: Mum! Guess what, I'm engaged!
The Mother: To who?

We're off to a fantastic start!

Gerbils

2008-10-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

The Bird: Did you just call me a gerbil?
The Boyfriend: No, I called you a jerkoff!
The Bird: Phew! I thought for a minute you had something against gerbils!

Last night I dreamed that Lenin has risen from the dead and was in New York to do some shopping and, y'know, hang. We took him to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. After the show, he confessed that he'd found it "only ok" and asked if The Little Mermaid was still sold out.

Palin as President

2008-10-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Awesome!

Upside Down Dogs

2008-10-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that I want to leave work right now so that I can rush home and take upside down photos of all the dogs? It probably is. I'll wait till I get home, then.

Meanwhile, on Season Finale Part I of Project Runway (I DVRd it, so yes, the topic is now this week's fishwrappings), Kenley surprised Planet Erf with a beautiful wedding dress (pictured left)! How can something so delicate and gorgeous come from someone so whiny and annoying? This is the great mystery of Art, I suppose. Or perhaps we're wrong about Kenley and PR just cruelly edits her scenes to make her appear incredibly horrible in every way. Could be! Since when has there been anything "reality" about Reality TV? That's why we watch it.

On the show, Tim Gunn took the deadpan express all the way to Kenley's house and - surprise! - she lives in a railroad apartment in what looks very much like Williamsburg.

I will not be surprised if I see her someday at Taco Chulo crying into some queso.

Well done on the dress, though!

Rock The Catskills

2008-10-14T09:47:00.000-07:00

Idlewild, were it not 100+ miles away in the Catskills, might just be The Bird's dream perch.

The story of the man who bought it for $22k and then renovated the crap out of it, is way more interesting than anything I could say about, say, the cool cabinetry or the "Writer's studio."

I will say this, however: Stately Bushwick Manor needs its very own copy of Carpentry, by Gaspar Lewis!

A Tree Grows on Bushwick

2008-10-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

At the moment, I'm reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (by Betty Smith). Yesterday, I came across this passage about my very own place of res, Bushwick Avenue:

"Bushwick Avenue was a high-toned boulevard of old Brooklyn. It was a wide, tree-shaded avenue and the houses were rich and impressively built of large granite blocks with long stone stoops. Here lived the big-time politicians, the monied brewery families, the well-to-do immigrants who had been able to come over first-class instead of steerage. They had taken their money... and settled in Brooklyn."

My question is: What the FUCK happened!?

Well, we know the answer: the lure of the suburbs was too much for all those "big-time politicians" and "monied brewery families" to resist. They all moved to McMansions out on Lawn Giland and left Bushwick to the working poor. I'm sure the building of those elevated JMZ tracks right along Broadway did not help either. I wonder what Smith would make of the "high-toned boulevard" if she were alive to see it today! Not much, is my guess.

My Brain Hurts

2008-10-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

Just now, via IM:

The Boyfriend: Watch this and cry with saddness.
The Bird: [Watches the video - another installment of Couric vs Palin on CBS].
The Bird: Oh God...
The Boyfriend: It's like an abortion! On a trainwreck! By a retarded person! It makes my brain hurt.
The Bird: She is so awful it takes my breath away.
The Boyfriend: What do you think they are doing to prep her?
The Bird: I don't know. Putting in fresh batteries?

Earlier, at home, we were less trenchant, though no less witty:

The Boyfriend: Hey, you're wearing blue socks!
The Bird: It's true.
The Boyfriend: It looks like you stepped in a smurf!

Biden Your Time

2008-10-02T09:25:00.001-07:00

Joe Biden has a tough job ahead of him in tonight's debate. While it may seem like an easy proposition to debate someone who doesn't believe in dinosaurs, it's actually a lot more difficult than debating a smart, or even mentally competent, person. Think of it as trying to wrestle with a frail old man: go too easy, and the old guy will win; go too hard and you'll be accused of beating up a defenseless old man! Debating Palin is not going to be easy. Putting aside the definite possibility that Biden will fuck this up all by himself, he's going to have to be extremely careful with Palin. He must avoid, at all costs, any of the following:

Looking smug or pleased when Palin says something dumb
Biden must not revel in her idiocy; but at the same time, he must not let her get away with too much.

Being too fact-y or using logic to make an argument
Amercians hate people who know more than they do. Biden must try to steer clear of too many salient points, or reasoned explanations for why things are so fucked up with our country right now.

Accidentally looking at Palin's body
I'm not trying to be prurient here, or suggest that because Palin is considered attractive, Biden is going to be checking her out! I'm just putting forward the possibility that Biden's eyes might rest on his opponent at some point in a way that, if you're looking for a juicy news clip, could be misconstrued. Imagine the constant replay of Biden appearing to leer at Palin and then picture all those swing voters with that image planted in their heads as they mark their ballots. It could happen! Republicans will use anything they can get their hands on - remember the Swift Boat Veterans? Remember when Howard Dean raised his voice slightly that one time? Uh huh.

Getting annoyed
It wasn't a winning strategy for McCain to appear visibly annoyed by Obama during last week's debate. It made him seem like a more grouchy version of Andy Rooney (if such a thing is possible). Not looking Obama in the eye was, frankly, rude. At the very least it was weird. McCain was so twitchy he looked like he'd OD'd on geritol right before kickoff, but I'm getting off topic. If Biden shows too much annoyance at Palin, he will be sunk. If he acts like it's a foregone conclusion that he's going to "win" the debate, he will be sunk. Winning this debate is not about who knows more, whose arguments are put forth with greater reason, or even who's better qualified generally to be veep. This debate won't be "won" at all in the traditional sense. It will merely be "not lost" by the person who fucks up the least. And they are both going to fuck up in their own special ways. All Palin has to do is bate Biden to the point where he says something inapropriate. No one expects anything of Palin. And if she manages to get out a few reasonable arguments during the night, she'll be exceeding expectations so thoroughly that Biden will look like an idiot by comparison.

This is gonna be hard.

Lil' Lemmy, Part II

2008-10-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

Lil' Lemmy was adopted last night by B. He came all the way out to Bushwick and then went all the way to NJ, which I think was intrepid of him - not to mention kind. Lemmy took to him immediately, and I think she'll be very happy in her new home. Plus: I get to look after her over Halloween weekend, which is the next best thing to getting to keep her myself!

Bird on What?

2008-09-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

I just mistyped birdonbushwick into blogger and it came out as birdonorchard. For many years, my blog was called The Bird On Orchard Street (www.birdonorchard.com - but don't look for it on the web, unless you're looking in Google cache, for it is no more). Then I moved to Bushwick and I had to change the name of the blog. And being incredibly lazy, I went with Blogger rather than build my own blog app, as I've done in the past.

Anyway, when I typed in birdonorchard.blogspot.com what came up was some CHICK using Bird On Orchard as her moniker! What the fuck!? The cheek of it! I mean how dare she! Trollop! What is the world coming to when people can just STEAL your entire pseudonym wholesale and use it to write some ridiculous screed about people bothering them at the gym? Blah blah blah like anyone cares about your ridiculous-yet-boring life!

Do me a favor, lady, and sod off!

Oh wait... Turns out the bitch is me. Hey now. Oops.

When did I create this blog? When did I write this lone entry? Why did this blog fizzle out before it even began? Where do babies come from? There are so many questions...

Lil' Lemmy

2008-09-27T09:03:00.001-07:00

This is Lil' Lemmy (formerly Rad Kitty). We're looking after her for a few days. She needs a good home! We already have too many animals or we would adopt her. She is beyond cute.

Poop Naked

2008-09-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering how it's done here in NYC.

2CV

2008-09-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

My brother, me, and my sister standing in front of Larry, our battered old citroen 2CV, some time in the late '70s.

Things to note:

My sister still wears the same basic outfit: floaty peasant top with jeans;

My brother has the same mop of hair, just a bit less blond; and,

I still like to wear cute skirts - and always match my purse to my outfit!

Very little ever really changes.

7 Beers

2008-09-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

The Boyfriend: I'm going to get drunk before you even get home.
Me: But I'll be home right after you!
The Boyfriend: Too bad. This is what happens when you send me home alone. I get drunk. by 7.
Me: By 7 beers?

Rock Out With Your Dogs Out

2008-09-18T09:21:00.001-07:00

Today, The Boyfriend and I journey to, presumably, a nearby shop, to buy Rockband II. At some point (viz. as soon as I make some money), I will buy the upgraded wireless drumkit

The track list for RBII is pretty awesome. White Wedding, anyone? Oh, I think so - indeed yes.

Here's the full Track List, with the songs I plan to Rock Out to highlighted in bold. The Songs that will be Getting Served (by me) when I'm done Rocking Out to the other songs are highlighted in italics.

1. AC/DC “Let There Be Rock”
2. AFI “Girl’s Gone Grey”
3. Alanis Morissette “You Oughta Know” (worst. song. ever.)
4. Alice in Chains “Man in the Box”
5. Allman Brothers “Ramblin’ Man”
6. Avenged Sevenfold “Almost Easy”
7. Bad Company “Shooting Star”
8. Beastie Boys “So Whatcha Want”
9. Beck “E-Pro”
10. Bikini Kill “Rebel Girl”
11. Billy Idol “White Wedding Pt. I”
12. Blondie “One Way or Another”
13. Bob Dylan “Tangled Up in Blue"
14. Bon Jovi “Livin’ on a Prayer”
15. Cheap Trick “Hello There”
16. Devo “Uncontrollable Urge”
17. Dinosaur Jr. “Feel the Pain”
18. Disturbed “Down with the Sickness”
19. Dream Theater “Panic Attack”
20. Duran Duran “Hungry Like the Wolf”
21. Elvis Costello “Pump It Up”
22. Fleetwood Mac “Go Your Own Way”
23. Foo Fighters “Everlong”
24. Guns N’ Roses “Shackler’s Revenge”
25. Interpol “PDA”
26. Jane’s Addiction “Mountain Song”
27. Jethro Tull “Aqualung”
28. Jimmy Eat World “The Middle”
29. Joan Jett “Bad Reputation”
30. Journey “Anyway You Want It”
31. Judas Priest “Painkiller”
32. Kansas “Carry On Wayward Son”
33. L7 “Pretend We’re Dead”
34. Lacuna Coil “Our Truth”
35. Linkin Park “One Step Closer”
36. Lit “My Own Worst Enemy”
37. Lush “De-Luxe”
38. Mastodon “Colony of Birchmen”
39. Megadeth “Peace Sells”
40. Metallica “Battery"
41. Mighty Mighty Bosstones “Where’d You Go”
42. Modest Mouse “Float On”
43. Motorhead “Ace of Spades”
44. Nirvana “Drain You”
45. Norman Greenbaum “Spirit in the Sky”
46. Panic at the Disco “Nine in the Afternoon”
47. Paramore “That’s What You Get”
48. Pearl Jam “Alive”
49. Presidents of the USA “Lump”
50. Rage Against the Machine “Testify”
51. Ratt “Round & Round”
52. Red Hot Chili Peppers “Give it Away”
53. Rise Against “Give it All”
54. Rush “The Trees”
55. Silversun Pickups “Lazy Eye”
56. Smashing Pumpkins “Today”
57. Social Distortion “I Was Wrong”
58. Sonic Youth “Teenage Riot”
59. Soundgarden “Spoonman”
60. Squeeze “Cool for Cats”
61. Steely Dan “Bodhitsattva”
62. Steve Miller Band “Rock’n Me"
63. Survivor “Eye of the Tiger”
64. System of a Down “Chop Suey”
65. Talking Heads “Psycho Killer”
66. Tenacious D “Master Exploder”
67. Testament “Souls of Black”
68. The Donnas “New Kid in School”
69. The Go-Go’s “We Got the Beat”
70. The Grateful Dead “Alabama Getaway”
71. The Guess Who “American Woman”
72. The Muffs “Kids in America”
73. The Offspring “Come Out & Play (Keep ‘em Separated)”
74. The Replacements “Alex Chilton”
75. The Who “Pinball Wizard”

That's right, "Hungry Like The Wolf" will be Getting Served and Rocked Out to at the same time!

You Smell!

2008-09-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

(courtesy of the Otto-bot)

(who found it here)

When You Look Into An Abyss...

2008-09-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

Danger Is All Around

2008-09-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Everywhere you look, Danger is lurking. Think you're safe at home? Think again! Your home is by far the most dangerous place you can ever be. If I were you, I'd move out now and just live on the street. The chances of a piano falling on your head if you live on the sidewalk are pretty low, but what if you have a piano IN your home? Think about it.

Here are some oft-overlooked Dangers that I have encountered at home. Memorize this list and maybe you will avoid some of them.

Getting Cheese in Your Eye
You wouldn't think accidentally wiping a small amount of cheese on your eyeball would be Dangerous, but it is. Cheese stings like a motherfucker - especially if it's chedder.

Opening The Front Door
It's hard to imagine gouging 1/4 of your knuckle clean off while turning a key in a lock, but I've done it about four times in the last month and it is fucking painful.

Cornstarch
Last night, I sliced a 1cm cut in my left forefinger opening the foil seal on a tin of cornstarch. It was like being cut by a tiny knife that came out of nowhere and then disappeared again right after. And it turned out I didn't even need the cornstarch.

Taking a Shower
About 3 times a week, I stub my toe on the side of the bathtub, which is tiled at right-angles, forming a sharp protrudence that acts like a magnet for smaller toes.

Owning a Dog
Owning a dog is like running through a thorny forest, throwing $20 bills into the breeze as you wiz painfully by. When I got a dog, I didn't realize that her therapy sessions would cost more than mine. Sure, there are those times when the dog fetches a stick or eats the pizza slice you dropped on the floor so that you don't have to clean it up, but most of the time, owning a dog involves getting mauled, scratched, and jumped on by a 65lb retarded person and - such as last night - having them run at 20 miles an hour straight into your eye-socket.

Being In A Relationship & Sleeping in a Loftbed
There's nothing sexy about a cracked rib. Having a concussion, on the other hand, is hot. There's nothing like anonymous sex - especially when you're not even sure who you are.

The 10 Things You Do That Are Really Annoying

2008-09-09T07:47:00.000-07:00

10. Stop pouring the top inch and a half of your steaming hot coffee into the trash bin for some poor wage slave to clean up later, when the entire contents have congealed into a big sopping mess. If you need extra room in your cup, just ASK FOR EXTRA ROOM when you order your coffee. Jerk.

9. When waiting at a bank of elevators, don't assume that if the one nearest to you opens up, you should get in it. Look around and see if there are some other people who might have been waiting longer than you to get into a car. Try letting them get where they're going first. You'll get your turn.

8. At the office, put your fucking cellphone on vibrate or - better yet - put it on quiet and place it somewhere where you can see if someone is calling you. Not everyone wants to hear your shitty ringtone 5 times an hour.

7. If you're begging for change, don't spin some yarn about why you need me to give you 75 cents. Just ask me for the money. I might have it. I might not. But it will save us both valuable time if you refrain from telling me a story about how you need to get up to 96th street, or that your non-existant car was broken into by your crazy ex-wife. Extra points for NOT showing me the scar you got from a completely unrelated operation you had many years ago that has nothing to do with anything.

6. If you're on holiday here in our fair city, and you're taking a stroll down a busy avenue, get the FUCK OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN GET TO WORK. When's the last time I stood in front of your SUV back in Iowa when you were trying to get to Wallmart? Exactly.

5. Hey Hipsters: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD BEFORE YOU GET RUN OVER. (p.s. you look ridiculous.)

4. If you live in my neighborhood and you've just eaten some chicken, try NOT throwing the chicken bones in the street so that my dog can choke on them later.

3. Think you might enjoy having a beer with someone you know very little about? Then you should DEFINITELY vote for them.

2. Making a "Top Ten" list? Try just listing the things you want to list, regardless of how many there are, so that you don't end up with a rogue filler item for the second-to-last one.

and, finally...

1. Stop giving out unsolicited advice. No one cares what you think.

TV Reviews!

2008-09-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

Jacob from Television Without Pity gave True Blood an ebullient review. Were we watching the same show last night? I thought it was incredibly cheesy... This will probably not stop me from secretly ~~enjoying~~ watching it. And besides, there's a Buffy-shaped hole in the Universe that must be filled. This'll do - unless it really starts to suck. Pun. Intended.

Speaking of ~~blood sucking parasites~~ new television shows, I lurved the new 90210. The first hour was more of the same yawn-inducing teen trauma trope (arguably invented by the original 90210, but that's nitpicking), that makes my toes numb with boredom. I almost switched it off. Luckily, I pushed through the pain and was rewarded in hour two with a Shannen cameo and The Mystery of Kelly's Babydaddy. Is it Dylan? Brandon? Steve? Nate from the Peach Pit!? My money's on Dylan.

And that, children, is today's TV Review.

Oh, and Entourage has jumped the shark - and the shark it jumped was jumping another shark while Entourage was jumping it. That's how bad it was.

Slinkachu

2008-09-06T09:30:00.000-07:00

"Little People in the City"

Slinkachu is a London artist who makes teeeny tiny models
of everyday people going about their business in the naked city...

Initially, he would create these pieces anonymously
and leave them to be discovered...

Now he's kinda famous; and you can read all about it in his blog.

Great Moments in Drink

2008-09-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

Vol. 1: Beat This!

Starring British comedy duo, Winehouse & Church
(plus some confused session musicians).

Frackin' Toasters!

2008-09-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

"Tigh selects Roslyn" (courtesy of theburnlab)

Happy? Together

2008-09-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

The Boyfriend and I work together - at least for the time-being. I'm a freelancer and he manages the "IT Group" for which I have been perma-lancing since early Jan, 07. We actually met on the job. I was seeing someone else at the time and, as far as I'm concerned, he was seething with jealousy and unrequited passion from about January through early May when I finally got a clue and invited him over to watch Lost and eat chocolate pudding. We've been together ever since - and I really mean that, because in addition to working together we also live together; and since he's not the kind of dude who needs "boys nights out" or any of that crap, we do a lot of socializing together as well. The last time he went to a strip club, for instance, I was there too - and the only unreasonable thing he did the whole night was to try to muscle in on my lap dance with Crystal (not her real name).

The "problem" is that it's not normal to work with your significant other. Unless you're Charles & Ray Eames or Jonathan & Jennifer Hart, working together is probably not in your best long-term interests as a couple; but we do get along pretty well.

Our typical working MO takes place via iChat and usually goes something like this:

The Bird: OK, to answer your question, no I wasn't putting it in manually. I was running a process manually that updated the data from live over to prod where the server settings allowed you to specify the type of file so that H___ could download the spreadsheet. All we would need to do is create a cron job to run that process instead and then we can have any number of automatic spreadsheet things going from live to prod.

[pause]

The Boyfriend: So... what needs to happen?

[pause]

The Boyfriend: Do I need to buy you a pony?

'68 - '73

2008-09-02T13:39:00.000-07:00

Earlier Today, On IM
The Boyfriend: What is your favorite 5-year Stones era?
The Bird: Hmmm, well, if I've only got 5 years, then I would have to say '68 - '73 cuz it covers, basically, Beggar's Banquet through Goat's Head Soup. Exile and Goat's Head are the best 2 Stones albums, in my opinion.
The Boyfriend: I would pretty much agree with that!
The Bird: That's because it's true.

It's not exactly Desk Set, I know. We do occasionally disagree on things and have proper banter. Actually, we disagree on a lot of things, but not when it comes to important topics like music or, more recently, doorknobs...

Doorknobs
We are getting a pair of very expensive doorknobs - all the way from Maine (that's in Maine, in case you're not a geography buff). We can't afford a door to put the knobs on because we spent so much just getting the right knobs. You could say, "Well, why didn't you get a door first, you morons!" but try using a door that has no knobs. A ha! See!